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starve_the_sickness
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Name: Ashtray girl
Gender: Female
Interests: Self preservation.
Growth.
Expertise: Pretending.
I wish it were different.
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
3/31/2004
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| Dan said "I love you."
He said it and I couldn't say it back. Instead, I kissed him, again and again, hoping he'd forget what he said, swallow his own words with the aid of my tongue. He said I love you, and I felt an invisible lasso wrap itself around my waist and pull.
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. | | |
| I know I keep posting about this, but it's what's been on my mind lately and I can't seem to think about much else.
Sex with Dan is bad.
Rather, it's so bad for me that we have yet to even let him finish before we stop, which is too bad - he seems to be enjoying himself.
I have no clue what to do, and I know practice makes perfect, but we've done it a handful of times and it has yet to get any better. The fact that it's just as bad, if not worse than before doesn't make me want to do it at all. It's like a cycle of really awful feelings.
Plus I'm feeling fat from all the Halloween candy.
(on a side note - we trick or treated at John Kerry's house and saw his wife!) | | |
| Saturday night was much better, but I got my period almost as soon as we started, and we ended up stopping again. Oh well.
I'm feeling pretty sick and I have work tomorrow. Ugh.
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| 1. Dan and I had sex last night. It was the first time for both of us, and it was....weird. Like really weird, and awkward but not in an uncomfortable way. It didn't really hurt for me, but it didn't feel good either. It was bad enough that we decided to stop with even trying to finish him off. He's probably a good 100lb heavier than me (I'm about 101) so we have to figure out how to bypass that. I'm kind of regretting not having sex with Alvin now, because neither of us knew what to do and I really hate that. It wasn't an unpleasant experience, and I know it (and we) will get better with time, but I'm still kind of dreading having to do it again.
2. Alvin's been IMing me a lot lately. He might come to Boston and he wants to see me. He knows I have a boyfriend, but I can tell that he would definitely be interested in hooking up while he's here. In a way, it's pretty tempting - he might be the best I've ever had - but I'm not so into him and I am into Dan. I don't think I could hurt Dan that way.
3. I'm looking to make new friends, again.
Sorry I haven't updated in forever. I've been super busy. | | |
| Dan and I are officially a couple as of last night  | | |
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